Sunday, December 21, 2008

What is wrong with me?

Why I can't just be happy and content. Does life have to be such a freakin roller coaster. I guess I make my life that way, when in reality its not what I want. I've seen others who can be satisfied with things the way they are but there is always just something missing in my life I guess. I can't be content at work with the hours I get. I always have to argue. I can't be calm with other parts in my life, they have to be perfect. WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME!! Can't I just be happy. I mean things are good. I have good friends and things are working out in a good way to help me prepare for my mission but yet I'm not happy. Something is missing and I just can't freakin figure it out. I try to take my mind off it but yet here I am at 1:30 in the morning confessing my soul to a useless internet site. Maybe my hopes are that someone will read it and tell me whats wrong. A random stranger if at best.

Why do I complicate things. Take them out of the bounds they are comfortably set in and contort them into realms in which I see fit. Can I not let something be? Why must I hang up the phone always wondering Why? Why can't I just let it be. Things are supposed to work themselves out. Life is supposed to fall into place when it seems like lifes standing still and I'm doing all the work. I try to controll whats uncontrolable.

I feel like I'm stuck in a movie where the main character is lost. He has just overcome something that he thought was never possible. He tore down a wall that was thought to be industructable. But now he looks at the ruble and past the wall with nothing in front of him but a blank canvas. He has the choice to paint what he wishes, but no paint. It's supposed to paint itself people say. Well then it needs to hurry up and do so because I'm tired of waiting.

I'm tired of waiting for life to unfold. I am to impatient for that. I would never wish for my life to pass me by, but I wish I could experience it faster. Come what may has become a sentence that is voodoo to me. I hate that. Lets see what happens. Here's an idea, I think life is completely controlable, just not by yourself. You can't control the actions of others but you can sure influence them. Two people who work for the same goal have twice the chance to get what they desire. I think that this whole, you have no control over life and time is bull. Watch me control my life to how I want it to be. I know some things will just happen but I have the agency to control what I have to do with my future.

What the heck is wrong with me?

Sunday, December 14, 2008

She came, we talked, she left with my money ... story of my life

I am going to tell you a story of a boy who is stupid for answering the phone at 10:00 @ night.

Where to begin ... oh how about at 9:00 where this boy named Brayden decided to go to bed. Brayden had work in the morning and seeing as he usually passes out around 9:30 he thought it would be a good idea to get an extra 30 minutes in there. So anyways he goes to bed dreaming of sugar plum fairies and lollipops. While drifting away on a cloud into the Magical Noodle King's Treasure Vault full of noodles with cheese melted on them, there came a loud noise. He woke up to find that his phone was ringing and upon opening his heavy eyes he found that it was none other than his friend Coocoo Krazygirl. So he answered the phone.

Soon enough she told him that she was coming to his house and she did. After she was there they sat and talked till around 11:00 and by that time Brayden could barely keep his eyes open. She insisted on staying till 11:45 and Brayden graciously declined. Stating that he had work in the morning he demanded that she leave his house at once. After begging and pleading she made him a rediculous offer. Brayden must play her a song on the guitar and flex for her. Brayden said nay, nay nay nay nay nay. After insisting for what seemed like years for her to leave he finally just laid down in his bed. She being the WOMAN that she is grabbed the money out of his back pocket and left. 6 dollars and an hour later she left... and Brayden could finally get some sleep.


P.S. Alix you owe me six dollars

Friday, December 12, 2008

It's Just a Dream

Yet another song to add to the list of Blair's Horribly Recorded Songs alblum lol. This one is for alot of things going on my life, from problems, to people I love, and to those who I have hurt. Enjoy:

It's Just a Dream
by: Blair Canfield
Verse 1
I am waking up to cold showers and hot chocolate
Wondering if my life will ever change
Sometimes they tell me to be different
But then they tell me that I am acting strange
But one things for sure
I'm not any more
the same as I used to be
I'm all grown up
and life's just tough
to see things how I always seem them before
Cause we're drifting away
and i'd rather stay
around when life gets rough
But life not that long
to just sit along
And wish for something more
Verse 2
Throw me a curve ball into my new life
place me in dreams where I am perfect
Take my hand and fly with me so we can see the sunset
Then kiss me on the cheek and say that its all worth it
But we are living a dream
where bound are unseen
and rules are bent to work
Where no ones around
you don't hear a sound
and you get what you want and more
But we're drifting away
and i'd rather stay
around when life gets rough
But life not that long
to just sit along
And wish for something more


Don't you just sometimes feel like ASDKFJQWETKJAG... it could be frustration, joy, anger, WHATEVER!! But right now ASDFJK is a good thing. I am very happy right now, confused but happy. But thats ok because its the first time in a while that I have been happy. I like it.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


I can't figure things out sometimes, and with my crazy mind thats hard. I like to know everything I can and be able to know the whole situation. But sometimes that isn't possible I guess. Trying to put pieces of an unsolvable puzzle together is what I feel like I'm trying to do. Is there an answer to everything. I would think that every question should have an answer. Maybe I'm wrong. But my hope is, is that I can one day find the solution to solve some of the problems in my life. I mean that is what God is there for right? To show us the way when we need guidance... I guess I just answered myself. But its not just up to him. We have to search for the answers. I was never good at I Spy books so then again I think I have the disadvantage in this scenario. One of these days I'll ask god what the answers are, for now I guess I will just strugle, it'll put hair on my chest I guess.

Just wrote a new SONGGGG!!!!

Haha as some of you know I love music, love to write it sing it all that jazz (haha musical reference) but anyways here are the lyrics to my brilliant master piece. As well as the song ... hopefully.

I'm Already There
by: Blair Canfield

Verse 1
Living my life no worries no plan
Just trying being a good honest man
Got myself self a job, a car but no girl
Sometimes its better that way in this world
But there always Exit you don't mean to take
But usually it takes you to the right place
And you meet that girl who changes your life
who one day you wish that she could be your wife
Pre Chorus
The one thing thats hard to define
is loving that girl so much that I wish she was mine
Cause it just ain't fair and I won't back
to the feelings I had or the chances lacked
because life has unexpected turns it seems
And this time it worked out for me because
That I love her so much ...
All I can feel her touch...
Because I'm already there
Verse 2
So I got the guts to sneak out one night
And she hopped in the car I said hold on tight
And we rushed through the streets like we owned the place
I could tell she was happy by that look on her face
The night was perfect you could see the sky
A perfect night I thought I'd give it a try
I was wondering what she would want she'd want to do
She looked around and stated baby I want you
I said I'm SOOO there
and the feelings that you give me replace my air
that you steal away but I didn't say
The one that that keeps me from running away
That I love you oh so much...
And I long for your touch
Because I'm already there.
Verse 3
It just happens every once in a while
that a guy will find a girl and make her smile
by saying words that he knows is true
He says Baby I love you
Pre Chorus
Then she asked me quietly
Would you be there for me?
Promise me this I want to know
would you take me where I want to go.
I said we're already there
And when your with me you have nothing to fear
I'll take your breath away not just for a day
I mean forever you'll see
as long as you love me
I'll always be there

Monday, December 8, 2008

"Just Live Your Life"

You can't always worry about what others do or say. Sometimes your life will go a different way and you wont have the same views on things. Things change, friends become enemies, enemies become friends, you lose people you love, and there are some people you would love to lose. But for some reason the grass is always greener over the next hill. Its all about getting up the first hill.

Like so today I just hung out with Matt and Shelby like nothin special. It started at 11:00 where Shelby decided to drag me into Joans (Junky. Overpriced. And. Nonsence. Scraps. , is pretty much what then sell) Well we got into this great store and automatically I felt out of place. The place was filled with WOMEN, tons of them, Women with children, Women who's children pushed them in wheelechairs, Women with nothing better to do with their time was pretty much what the store was filled with. Shelby started for the fabric, that automatically rings a bell for the most exciting thing possible to buy. We just trotted around, litterally like she trotted like a horse it was kinda cute, around the store. So we had to pull a number in order to get a person to come help us with our fabric, lucky number 65. So she is trying to get this lady to cut up her Fabric, but she didn't grab enough. So I laughed at her because she had to walk all the way back to get more fab. When she came back she still needed more so she had to go get more haha sucker. While she was gone the lady said you two are so cute and happy are you guys related and I go no, we just got ingaged :D haha. Little did Shelby know when she got back that I had let the lady know this haha. I'm sure that lady wasn't to sure of us from that point on.

Just live life how it plays out it works out better that way :D.